Stuck

Lately, I've been feeling stuck. There are many reasons in my head--maybe even a few good ones--but mostly, it's just a phase that I know will pass.

Our trip last weekend helped a lot, but we can't take trips every weekend.  We can't be alone together all the time no matter how much I wish we could.  We still have obligations--family, friends, laundry, bills.  It would be nice, though.

I've been thinking about this for a few days, and despite this overall morose feeling of stuckness that pertains to other areas of my life, I realize how very lucky I am.  I have someone in my life who I WANT to be stuck with. Desperately. Someone I love spending time with.  Someone whose attention I crave. Even after 7+ years of weekends together, I still look forward to them just as much as I did in the beginning.

Twelve years ago, on a cold, rainy night, I went to a rally in West Hollywood opposing the Knight Initiative with my then-girlfriend.  I was 19.  There was hope at that rally that the initiative, which said that only a marrage between a man and a woman would be recognized in our state, may not pass. Melissa Etheridge gave a speech. We fought hard, but I remember my dreams crashing down around me when voters approved the initiative by a wide margin.  In that moment, I truly didn't think it would ever be possible for me to be married.  I didn't see how the world would ever change.  I accepted it as a fact that I would never be someone's wife.

But I am.  All these years later, I AM someone's wife--and it has changed something in me. I have never been more grateful for a title, and I imagine that the only other title that will ever mean as much is probably "mom."

So in all of the stuckness that has my brain in knots, I need to take the time to appreciate the stuckness that is wrapped around my heart. I am so grateful for it.