I did not brush my hair this morning.
I rolled out of bed (late), ran my fingers through the tangles, and threw it up in a bun with a ton of hairspray that is clearly not working to contain the frizz and flyaways because it looks like I’ve sprouted wings from behind my ears. I am just the picture of professionalism. Not. (Related confession: When I was 11-ish, I had a GIANT pink t-shirt that said in huge block letters, "Whatever you say. NOT." There is a picture of me standing in hail with braces and a bad haircut wearing that awful shirt with white bicycle shorts. I was SO. NOT. COOL.)
I had a croissant for breakfast.
I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway and now I feel even more disgusting than I already did as a result of item 1.
My jeans are not as loose as they were 2 weeks ago when I was running around the house saying, “look how loose my jeans are!”
They are also not as tight as they were 6 weeks ago, but let’s not rationalize.
I am terrified of the seminar at the fertility clinic next week.
I have awful social anxiety, and I can already feel myself clinging to Catch’s arm like a frightened toddler while I imagine all of the perfect straight blonde couples judging the overweight lesbians and thinking that we shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce anyway. Yes, I know this is INSANE, but it’s how my brain works. It’s like I have a perfectly logical little angel on one shoulder reminding me that it’s okay and that I don’t care what anyone else thinks and a much bigger devil on my other shoulder overwhelming me with my biggest insecurities. My brain is caught in the middle. It’s fun to be me.
One of my credit card companies just increased my line of credit by 40% and I have a sudden desire to BUY ALL THE THINGS.
What’s crazy is that it’s easier to contain that desire than it was to contain the whole croissant issue above. I’m going to run out at lunch and buy dog treats, which should satisfy my need for retail therapy. Plus, we actually need them, so it’s perfectly reasonable. And I won’t use my credit card.
I haven’t slept well in weeks.
Because I am a mess right now. An absolute mess—inside and out. But it’s okay. I have Catch—and she’s a mess too. At least I know we can be messy together. And she’s better at cleaning up than I am, so it’s an extra win for me.
I completely get the being a mess thing (I've eaten a lot of brownies since Friday).
Posted by: DeCaf | 01/13/2014 at 01:07 PM