The Princess and the Pea (Alternate title: We just spent a boatload of cash on a new mattress and I. HATE. IT.)

We woke up on Sunday morning, had some bacon and coffee and giddily skipped out the front door together in search of a new bed.  Not just any new bed, though—a KING bed.  Something we have only dared to dream about since Twix was a puppy and I discovered that having her in bed with me is soothing and helps me relax.  The thing is that adorable little 8 week old puppies grow into full-sized 50-lb dogs with legs that like to stretch out into my rib cage at night. I would find myself clinging to the edge of the bed thinking that falling out of bed sounded a heck of a lot better than being kicked in the gut AGAIN. 

As such, you can imagine how adding 18 inches of width to our mattress sounded HEAVENLY.  We’ve been talking about it for as long as I can remember.  Someday, we will move into a bigger place with a master bedroom larger than a postage stamp and we will be able to have a king bed.

We haven’t moved, though, and our bedroom is still the size of a postage stamp.  We just finally reached a point where we were so miserable on our 10 year old queen mattress that we broke out the measuring tape and realized it might just work. Maybe. If the delivery people hold their breath and close their eyes and wish really hard, they MIGHT just be able to squeeze a king bed in there.

So, we headed out and dropped quite a bit of cash on the new bed and new bedding.  We rushed home to get the bedroom ready for our new bed, which involved moving our old mattress out so that I could take apart all ten thousand pieces of our Ikea bed because it won’t turn the corner in the hallway otherwise.  By the time we were done, I was EXHAUSTED.  Falling asleep on the couch.  Could barely keep my eyes open.

Imagine my shock/despair/anxiety/disappointment/heart crushing sadness when I did not sleep a single wink on our new bed.  Maybe an hour, but that’s it.  I couldn’t get comfortable.  In fact, as the night went on, I grew increasingly less comfortable.  It was like sinking deeper into a pit every hour.  My shoulder fell asleep.  My neck was at a weird angle.  I couldn’t get comfy on my stomach even though I have been a stomach sleeper my whole life. I tried sleeping on my side, but it felt like my hip bone had sunken through a layer of fluff and landed on concrete.

Last night, in sheer exhausted desperation, I popped two Advil PM at 8:30, poured myself a cup of Sleepytime tea, and soaked in a hot lavender scented bubble bath.  I should have been dead to the world after that combination, but I tossed and turned wide awake for 3 hours, and never slept longer than a 30 minute stretch all night.  Today, my shoulders and neck are killing me.

I hate our new mattress.  I hate memory foam.  I hate that the store we bought it form has a no return policy and that I didn’t realize it until it was too late. 

I have no idea what to do now.  All I know is that I sure as hell can’t live like this.

Comments

[Pops]

lol Laughing at your story although it is no laughing matter. Maybe try a firm bed pad over the memory foam.. I guess anything is worth a try.

[Becca]

what a bummer! I hope you figure out a good solution.

[DeCaf]

That really sucks. I have a firm cheap mattress with a 2" memory foam topper on it, but that's removable (my wife alternates between needing memory foam and needing it gone, so this works pretty well). I don't know how you sleep but if I'm on my side, I tend to use two fairly flat firm pillows, and if I'm on my back I only use one.

[meridith]

Ugh! I'm sorry! We decided early on that we should get a "nice" mattress (as opposed to the practically-not-there mattress we were sleeping on) and got one with a memory foam topper. I like it well enough - though I had a hard time adjusting, maybe a week or so of discomfort - but it has conformed to us in a way that makes rotating it impossible. I don't mind sleeping in my groove but I really wish it hadn't formed a permanent mountain in the middle of the bed. You could try a feather/down/synthetic topper to put on under the sheet. It might smooth out some of the weirdness of the memory foam.